Hello, I am a giant named Harmful. let me introduce you to Angry. Hi, my name is Blame, and this is Control. Hello, Im Be-Little-You, I'm Envy and this is my buddy Jealousy. My name is Aggressive and this is my friend Manipulate. Hi! My name is Gossip. Hey there, my name is Insecure and this is my friend Hopelessness. Hello. My name is Pretend and I have a giant friend named Pressure, I bet you've met him already.
I do apologize I cannot remember all your names, I just met Unsure and I met Confused a bit earlier and he told me to meet Scary. I told Scary my name is Frightened, and introduced him to my friends Tired and Overwhelmed. I cannot find who I am looking for and someone said that I should go and see Give Up. But that is not who I am looking for either. I don't know where to go.
Well Frightened, my name is Scary so I cannot help you but I can introduce you to Hate if you like.
Hi Frightened, some of the guys behind me you don't want to meet and some of them don't even have names yet. My name is Hopeful. I see you have surrendered to Trust, you must have met him?
Yes I did, just before I met you and right after I met Scary and right before Scary was going to introduce me to Hate, but Trust told me I would meet you.
Well then, I will take you to my friend Faith. He will guide you and give you friends called Kindness and Gentleness and Love. They will give you a name when you get there. I have already prepared it for them and they know you are coming.
When you get there you will meet Hurt. Tell her your name is Comfort and tell her about your friends. You can take her to me right away if she is looking for me.
Thank you Hopeful, you have been my helper. I have also told Tired and Overwhelmed about you and introduced them to Surrender. He has taken them to Trust and they are in good hands now. I will do as you say Hopeful. Lets hurry!
Wait Comfort, let me take you to Patients first. He is also a good friend of mine and I think you should meet him.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Strength
i surrender all
I have this fear deep inside. I go to it and I shake it. I shake it until it is broken. It is still there, the fear. But it does not have the strength to control me.
I have this hurt deep inside. I go to it and feel it it. I wait in the pain until it is tired. I wait one night, two nights, or two years. The pain is not so heavy. But it does not have the strength to control me.
I have this loneliness deep inside. I go to it and feel it. I seek all kinds of friends and run from their comfort because their friendship does not feel safe. I hear a word of hope from one trustworthy friend to get me through the day. I still feel loneliness, but it does not have the strength to control me.
I have this emptiness inside, this longing for something in the unknown. I go to it and fill it with more emptiness and nothing under the sun redeems me. I let it consume me so I can breakdown to surrender to all. I do not feel empty or longing. I have traded my sorrows, my shame and my pain. I have laid them down and I surrender all.
I have this fear deep inside. I go to it and I shake it. I shake it until it is broken. It is still there, the fear. But it does not have the strength to control me.
I have this hurt deep inside. I go to it and feel it it. I wait in the pain until it is tired. I wait one night, two nights, or two years. The pain is not so heavy. But it does not have the strength to control me.
I have this loneliness deep inside. I go to it and feel it. I seek all kinds of friends and run from their comfort because their friendship does not feel safe. I hear a word of hope from one trustworthy friend to get me through the day. I still feel loneliness, but it does not have the strength to control me.
I have this emptiness inside, this longing for something in the unknown. I go to it and fill it with more emptiness and nothing under the sun redeems me. I let it consume me so I can breakdown to surrender to all. I do not feel empty or longing. I have traded my sorrows, my shame and my pain. I have laid them down and I surrender all.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Depersonalization. Come With Me.
Depersonalization. Read, and come with me on the journey through my mind.
In This Place
I hear talking but I don't hear any words. I can see people around me but I don't see faces. Its Dark outside and its 2pm, I know Im at home but hanv't a clue where I am. Everything is beautiful and everything is nice until this concave room inside starts suffocating my insides. Green lights are red and red lights are green, I don't exist, that's what it all seems. Fear gets in the way of pleasure when everything is silent and pleasure never gets in the way of fear and only grows deeper. Im traveling with time and going to a place, its deep in my mind but what I don't know is if it really exists.
This Place is Perfect
This place is perfect. Like a man walking his dog on a bright summers day. Flowers look like party balloons and ice cream tastes like hotdogs. Hotdogs taste like icecream and party balloons are beautiful. The grass is tall and greener then ever, the sky is thick like the blue sky color. Fish breathe the air, birds live in the sea and cats and dogs live in heaven.
Like Fungus Under Wet Carpet
The plane will crash, the water is cold and rapists meander near by. This place is nothing but evil, bad things happen and grow on each other like fungus under wet carpet. Happy shadows lure me to these, places of mischief and roguery. Murky dark shadows roam in these places, shadows of terror and uncertainty. Rooms are empty, there are no walls, and there are no doors that my eye can see. The further I run, enemies get closer, when I try to hide they attack. Every noise and sound I hear fills my stomach with rocks and forks. I press my hands over my ears and listen to memories of good thoughts as I hold my body tight.
Songs
I see a room that has walls and one window, a locked door with a key made of gold. The sun shines through and there are no shadows. Plane crashes exist but Im not in a plane. I am in water but the water is warm and rapists wander far off. Rocks are on the ground, utensils are made for eathing, a bird sings songs of joy and children songs of laughter. The key fits the lock and it all disappears, friends greet me as I step out the door.
Girls in Mini Skirts
Girls in mini skirts and high heels with their boys, they're dressed in their best and their glasses filled with wine. I can see you now above the crowd you're calling my name but I don't know who you are I'm going insane. Im going to sea where there's sand and sound, air that is lovely and no one around. With sand in my socks il continue to run while I listen to ocean waves make beautiful sounds. Stop asking me so many questions boy and go back to where you came from, stop calling my name because it is quiet here in this place.
My Car is Yellow Today
My car is yellow today. My shoes that I walk in have yellow stripes. I leave as I watch my yellow dog sit in the yellow window and frown goodbye. Yellow lipstick on my lips, batting my bright yellow eyes, im ready for school but I can't see it yet, maybe it is yellow too. Trees with black stripes and black stripes on the road follow me where ever I go. Clowns with red noses dance in the fields, cows with red spots eat red grass. Red cars don't stop at red signs and red bird feces fall from the sky.
I Died 2 Miles Ago
I died 2 miles ago. The sky is beautiful today, birds fly by, bunnies hide in the luscious green forests. The air is fresh. Grass in the field sway in the wind, a cloud of dust forms in the sky as I continue to drive down this dirt road. And I am gleaming with color as I walk through the tall school doors. Narrow hallways and stares from strangers squish me into a box. Lectures sound like ticking clocks. People laugh at sad things and cry when funny jokes are told. Everyone is here, everyone is working, everyone is living dead too.
In this Place
In this place is a black room with no windows, not even shadows lurk. Like a merry-go-round sees so many faces in so few seconds as it spins around, so is one thought to the next, one never remembers the other. Round and round a thought for one second and no time to feel, but sick in my stomach a warning my thought to concentrate on this simple notion. Thank you for this moment of relief to the bottom pit of my self centered inner world! Consume me so I can break down, break down into emotion, break down into a breath in life a relief of hope in something not of my self but outside of myself such as the earth I stand! I have acknowledged this certainty, forever unchanging and gravitating me to its trust. Teach me to acknowledge you, I depend on it.
If not by now - I you are entering the world of depersonalization. So find a friend who's on the ground and hold onto 'im tight.
Thanks for coming on the Journey of depersonalization.
A good friend once said to me, " if you ever feel like your not real or on the ground and your spinning out of control.... Then just hold on to me, I'm always on the ground."
In This Place
I hear talking but I don't hear any words. I can see people around me but I don't see faces. Its Dark outside and its 2pm, I know Im at home but hanv't a clue where I am. Everything is beautiful and everything is nice until this concave room inside starts suffocating my insides. Green lights are red and red lights are green, I don't exist, that's what it all seems. Fear gets in the way of pleasure when everything is silent and pleasure never gets in the way of fear and only grows deeper. Im traveling with time and going to a place, its deep in my mind but what I don't know is if it really exists.
This Place is Perfect
This place is perfect. Like a man walking his dog on a bright summers day. Flowers look like party balloons and ice cream tastes like hotdogs. Hotdogs taste like icecream and party balloons are beautiful. The grass is tall and greener then ever, the sky is thick like the blue sky color. Fish breathe the air, birds live in the sea and cats and dogs live in heaven.
Like Fungus Under Wet Carpet
The plane will crash, the water is cold and rapists meander near by. This place is nothing but evil, bad things happen and grow on each other like fungus under wet carpet. Happy shadows lure me to these, places of mischief and roguery. Murky dark shadows roam in these places, shadows of terror and uncertainty. Rooms are empty, there are no walls, and there are no doors that my eye can see. The further I run, enemies get closer, when I try to hide they attack. Every noise and sound I hear fills my stomach with rocks and forks. I press my hands over my ears and listen to memories of good thoughts as I hold my body tight.
Songs
I see a room that has walls and one window, a locked door with a key made of gold. The sun shines through and there are no shadows. Plane crashes exist but Im not in a plane. I am in water but the water is warm and rapists wander far off. Rocks are on the ground, utensils are made for eathing, a bird sings songs of joy and children songs of laughter. The key fits the lock and it all disappears, friends greet me as I step out the door.
Girls in Mini Skirts
Girls in mini skirts and high heels with their boys, they're dressed in their best and their glasses filled with wine. I can see you now above the crowd you're calling my name but I don't know who you are I'm going insane. Im going to sea where there's sand and sound, air that is lovely and no one around. With sand in my socks il continue to run while I listen to ocean waves make beautiful sounds. Stop asking me so many questions boy and go back to where you came from, stop calling my name because it is quiet here in this place.
My Car is Yellow Today
My car is yellow today. My shoes that I walk in have yellow stripes. I leave as I watch my yellow dog sit in the yellow window and frown goodbye. Yellow lipstick on my lips, batting my bright yellow eyes, im ready for school but I can't see it yet, maybe it is yellow too. Trees with black stripes and black stripes on the road follow me where ever I go. Clowns with red noses dance in the fields, cows with red spots eat red grass. Red cars don't stop at red signs and red bird feces fall from the sky.
I Died 2 Miles Ago
I died 2 miles ago. The sky is beautiful today, birds fly by, bunnies hide in the luscious green forests. The air is fresh. Grass in the field sway in the wind, a cloud of dust forms in the sky as I continue to drive down this dirt road. And I am gleaming with color as I walk through the tall school doors. Narrow hallways and stares from strangers squish me into a box. Lectures sound like ticking clocks. People laugh at sad things and cry when funny jokes are told. Everyone is here, everyone is working, everyone is living dead too.
In this Place
In this place is a black room with no windows, not even shadows lurk. Like a merry-go-round sees so many faces in so few seconds as it spins around, so is one thought to the next, one never remembers the other. Round and round a thought for one second and no time to feel, but sick in my stomach a warning my thought to concentrate on this simple notion. Thank you for this moment of relief to the bottom pit of my self centered inner world! Consume me so I can break down, break down into emotion, break down into a breath in life a relief of hope in something not of my self but outside of myself such as the earth I stand! I have acknowledged this certainty, forever unchanging and gravitating me to its trust. Teach me to acknowledge you, I depend on it.
If not by now - I you are entering the world of depersonalization. So find a friend who's on the ground and hold onto 'im tight.
Thanks for coming on the Journey of depersonalization.
A good friend once said to me, " if you ever feel like your not real or on the ground and your spinning out of control.... Then just hold on to me, I'm always on the ground."
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